Letter 11

Hello Love,

We are closing in on your one year mark and I can't believe it, where did this time go?

No idea!

I have been looking forward to this month for a while.... the reason being, we had your birthday party memorial day weekend.

Your Oma, Aunt Jennifer and Uncle Andrew all came up for the party. I was so excited... you on the other hand were not.

I thought we planned everything perfectly, you went down for your nap with no problem, the food was made and decorations ready to go. You woke up from your nap on your own, got dressed, took you to the shelter house and that was it. As soon as you crossed the threshold you started crying, and you cried the whole day. Screamed too, I thought singing happy birthday to you was going to set you off but nope, as soon as we started, your tears stopped. You were a smash cake CHAMP!!!!

You were a little hesitant of your Oma and Aunt Jen, I didn't think them being in your face helped, but i get it. You have the most kissble cheeks in the world.

I looked over at you the other day and you look like a toddler, your body has changed, you are loosing your baby chunk and are becoming long and lean.

We changed up the playroom area, as much as I hate seeing toys in the living room, but you now have tons of room and you cruise girl! Standing is a favorite of yours and you can now stand for a few seconds on your own.

On the eating front, I am happy to report that we haven't found many things that you don't like, you weren't a fan of broccoli or blueberries. We found two new loves for you though, 1. Pancakes, lawd have mercy girl you love pancakes. You have them pretty much every morning. 2. Pineapple juice, we ordered it on a whim while out at a restaurant and you would have thought it was the sweet nectar of life.

One thing you have learned and love is that if you drop food on the floor, the dogs come running. You are now on a power trip, even if the dogs aren't there... its frustrating but also hilarious. You just drop the food and smile, sometimes giggle.

Your new favorite love is water, we were hoping that you would be a water baby and that you are. Your lips were turning blue when we went to the pool, you got out warmed up and got right back in. We are so excited for the pool to go up so you can swim all day this summer.

My love you are so busy that I can't get you to sit still long enough to read or do any work on colors and numbers. I feel that you are making up for lost time, all those long months waiting to be mobile. I am still betting on you walking by 14 months, your daddy and grammy think you will be walking by your first birthday. We shall see.

I love you bug and I am so happy I get this time with you and get to see you discover and play.

Hugs and kisses little one.

Love,
Mommy.

Letter 10

Dear Sarah,

Hey. Let me catch my breath for a minute...

ok. I am good now.

This month was a HUGE month for you, the biggest development......

YOU STARTED CRAWLING!!!!!
For months you were so frustrated because you so badly wanted to move, be mobile. It was a rough road but you did it. I decided it was time (yeah right it was all you babe but I like to think I had a little to do with it) to just grin and bear your hate for tummy time. Lawd child it was hard, you would scream and cry and wriggle around. I let you lay in misery for about 10-15 min about 3 times a day. It was emotionally and physically exhausting for us both. I felt like the worst mommy ever but noticed that after 2 or 3 days, you were staying longer and longer on your knees, and then it happened. You started to do the pre-crawling sway or rocking motion. You did this for about a day and then one evening after your bath, I laid you down on your bedroom floor, threw a diaper on you and rolled over, got on your knees. Then you slowly put one knee in front of the other and moved, all by yourself. I yelled for your daddy and we sat on either side of you and you just crawled from one to the other. You were so happy! It was amazing, to see you reach this milestone. Your Grandma cried when I brought you downstairs and you just, slowly at first, took off towards your toys. Everyone said that it would happen like that and it did.

In other news, you started furniture surfing and I still think you will be a full fledged walker by 14 months, your daddy and grammy think at a year.

You have a total of 8 teeth, your last two were rough. You got sick and were weepy but you powered through it like a champ! With adding more teeth your food choices are getting more and more of a variety. You are over baby food and love to feed your self, and mommy thinks you are starting to self wean off of a bottle.

Towards the end of the month I noticed that you were rarely finishing a bottle and you have continued this trend. I talked to your doctor and told her that you were more interested in food and juice and that you were only really taking a bottle in the morning, a nap time and at night. She said that was fine as long as you were staying hydrated. Found out that you are weighing in at 17lbs even, my little love.

Your new love food wise.... pancakes. You have them every morning with a side of yogurt or fruit. You are now eating 3 meals a day and couldn't be happier about it.

This weekend your playroom will become a thing of the past, we are moving you in to the living room little one so you can have a lot more space to crawl and play.

Stranger danger is real for you little girl, you like the attention people give you when we are out but if someone talks to you directly for too long, your bottom lip comes out and the tears are big.

The Easter bunny got you a swing and you L.O.V.E it, we are in it pretty much everyday, weather permitting. Speaking of weather, we are waiting on pins and needles for summer to get here, why you ask? We are getting a pool, and I am a little too excited about it but you adore bath time and I just hope it translates. You have learned to splash in the bath and just smile and laugh when you drench mommy. I love bath time because when your hair is wet your curls come out to play. Your hair is getting longer and is getting curly, it is freaking adorable.

There is one thing that isn't so adorable, I loathe diaper change time. Not because you poop more than a doberman, but because it is like wrestling a gator trying to keep you in place long enough to change you. One day I just threw my hands up in surrender and let you go, nekey butt to the world. Then you got a little rash on your butt... I can't win.

We are in the process of planning your first birthday, I can't believe that it is that time already, your daddy and I agree that you are getting too big, too fast... so knock it off.

Well bug, that's about all, actually I could go on and on but this has veered from a letter to a novel.

I love you, so much love muffin.

Letter 9

Sarah Girl,
I can't believe that officially you have been out more than you were in. Blows my mind.

I have started planning your first birthday party and have found that I need to reign in a little. I just want everything perfect for you, always. Party or not.

This perfect thing is leaching it's way in to everything that has to do with you. I want  you to be right where the "they" say you should be, I want your outfits and bedroom to be perfect and now your party.

The thing that I am slowly realizing, although I am ashamed to admit it, you are perfect.

No if ands or buts about it.

Anyway back to how you are growing.

Your naps have become much less stressful and I am so thankful for that. You are much more pleasant when you wake up if you didn't go through the screaming before hand.

The doc cleared you for table food and you L.O.V.E it, a little too much at times. You are doing great feeding yourself but you are a little to over zealous sometimes. We had a scary moment this month when you were choking on a yogurt melt and I had to grab you out of your high chair and lay you across my legs and strike your back to get it dislodged. You were scared, crying and taking deep breaths, I was scared, crying and taking deep breaths. Then you proceeded to throw up all over me, I didn't care I was just happy you were ok.

Honey, you are sooooooo close to crawling. It is happening as I predicted, you sit and then lean forward and then get on your knees and try to move your legs. Then you fall on your tummy and scream. It's a process but I am just happy that you are getting closer to being mobile.

Speaking of falling...

You fell off the couch... twice, on my watch. The first time, I set you on the couch and the dogs started going after each other, so I left you content, laying back drinking a bottle. I came back after being gone 30 seconds and you were sitting on the floor, with your bottle. No thud, no tears. The second time I caught you and lowered you gently to the ground but total mom fail.

You are trying to pull yourself up and I think that once you crawl, walking won't be to far behind.

You have a total of 5 teeth with two more making their way down but these smaller teeth have been a breeze compared to your front two.

Something that has been bothering me lately is how enamored you are with TV and how your daddy and I don't really deter it. It started with just a couple shows in the morning because, like your mommy you aren't a morning person. Then it transformed to about an hour, and then I just gave up.

I don't know how to interact with you and keep your attention and keep you engaged like the tv does. Now please don't think I just plop you down and let it babysit you. We sing, clap, count, look at shapes and colors. You love to dance with me when the songs play and you grab at my fingers when we count.

I know I need to cut back on your screen time but I have come to the realization that if the worst thing I do to you is overload you on educational programing that we both interact through. Than I am not doing to bad in my book.

You love the little songs I make up for you and you have started with your DA DA DA, BA BA BA, MA MA MA. And you have started screaming, sometimes because you feel ignored if I have to walk away and sometimes because you are just testing your vocal cords.

I read that at this age you are becoming more aware of the concept of me being around just not around you (aka separation anxiety) and you HATE when I leave the room or walk away from you. The tears and screams are real little one! Unfortunately I do have to leave you sometimes and just make sure you see me leave and then give you extra cuddles when I get back.

Well, little one that is about it for month 9. I can't believe we are getting in to double digits here in a few weeks. You are getting so big and growing up so fast. I miss when you were a baby and we just laid in bed cuddling all day. But this new chapter is going to be so much fun!

I love you love muffin,
Mommy.

Letter 8

Hello my love!
It is hard to believe that at the the beginning of next month you have officially been out for as long as you were in. Crazy huh? But that's next month lets look at this month shall we.

This month marked my first month of being home full time. We kind of have a schedule worked out and I love that we eased in to it and it is working... for the most part.

Guuuuuurl, you absoluetly hate nap time/being in your room/your crib.I mean once you stop screaming bloody murder you are a great napper but getting to that point is rough. You want to be with me 24/7 and as faltered as I am, I try to get stuff done while you nap. You could be dead to the world but when we cross that threshold you know and you start to cry. I have started giving you your bottle before and then laying you down, that way I know you aren't waking up because you are hungry. Most days you are down by 9:45, you cry for about 5-10 minutes and then are out for about an hour and a half.  Then you wake up all smiles and instead of whisking you out of your room I am trying to have a tiny bit of play time with you in there so you don't look at it as the room of abandonment.

You love food. I don't think that I have given you something that you haven't liked yet. Even the veggies you are eating like a champ. We have introduced you to juice and you are unsure about it, I think it is because it is cold and lets face it, warm juice is gross.

You are teething something fierce and your gums are getting more and more swollen everyday, me thinks you will have two more teefers soon! This however has made you SUPER cranky, which is understandable because I remember what teeth pain felt like and its no fun. We have been trying to self medicate with ice, teethers, teething tablets and I even broke down and bought an amber necklace.

Oh the amber necklace, I bought it on a desperate whim trying to help you and all it did was look cute. I know people swear by them and I can at least said I tried it right?

Anyway, you are sitting like a pro but are getting very frustrated that you can't join this fast paced world. You aren't crawling yet and it is freaking me out. Everyone says it will happen or it won't and the world will go on but I was so looking forward to this milestone that I am becoming impatient.

You are flirting with babbling but you only do it when you are mad. So hopefully next month, with some work we can get a full fledged momma or dada. I won't be too upset if you say dada first.

Love you bunches.
Momma

Letter 7

I can't believe that you are 7 months old... and that in 5 months you will be a year old.

Blows my mind.

Anyway month 7, was a pretty great month for you, the major development is that you, my dear can sit up by yourself! Your tumbles are getting few and far between but they scare you, which baffles me considering how much you LOVE to be tossed in the air.

You  are getting more and more in to food, one word for you young lady, PINEAPPLE.

I thought I was going to write about how much you liked pears, which you do, but the look on your face when we fed you pineapple was priceless. You couldn't believe your taste buds it was so good. You actually screamed at your father in protest when he wouldn't feed you fast enough. It made my night.

This was the month that I started my night shift at work, that means more time at home with you, and I have to say that I love being home with you. I was worried because you can be challenging but I think we are figuring each other out just fine.

We have been working on getting on some semblance of a schedule, which is hard. You like to wake up before any human should function (4 am) and take a bottle, then you fall back asleep until 8am. This kind of puts a damper on a morning and afternoon nap. You also like to make nap time in to mommy and Sarah cuddle time which is nice but I am trying to break you of sleeping in our bed with us cuddling you.You don't like this idea, at all.

You still hate tummy time, but very slowly, like no words for it slowly, are developing the muscles you need to be able to hold yourself up better, this is the next step to crawling babe. You want to move SO BADLY but just won't accept that it will have to stem from being on your tummy sometimes.

Remember last month when I said you were finding your voice, well you are actually starting to make mamamamamamama noises and dadadadadadadada noises. You can guess which one I want you to master first.

Your 7th month ended in sickness once again, tis the season I guess. You just woke up in the middle of the night with a fever, covered in snot. It has been a rough last week with the sleepless nights and trying to make you feel better, lots of hugs and kisses all around. We suspect that with the amount of drool you are expelling that your next set of teeth are coming in, but then again we have been saying this for about a month now.

I am absolutely loving this time with you honey bun, my love muffin, and I can't wait to see what all you will have accomplished next month.

Love,
Mommy

Letters 5 & 6

Hey Love Muffin,
Let me just say that I guess I am not one of those mothers that has the gene for sticking with an idea. Your month stickers are still in the top of your closet.... not used.

You my dear are keeping me busy! In month 5 you started babbling, finding your voice and we love it. You still HATE tummy time with a passion of 1000 fiery suns, and no matter how hard we try you just won't do it. In your 5th month, right around Thanksgiving, while watching the parade, you finally rolled over! It was so exciting, then you realized this action landed you on your most loathed tummy so you stopped. You will roll on to your side and stop there.

Month six was a hard month for you you started teething, your first two teeth (bottom front) popped through within days of each other December 16-19 and you were miserable. On top of the regular crumminess that teething brings you had an allergic reaction and an upper respiratory infection. Like I said it was a hard month for you but through the snot, cough and tears, you would smile and light up the room. This was also your first Christmas and you did wonderful! You actually did better than expected ripping the paper which made it fun for us. Santa went a little overboard considering you were only 6 months old but it was your first. We rang in the new year at your aunt and uncle's house and it was made very clear that you don't really like new places, at least to sleep.

You started your baby food and LOOOOOOOOOOOVE squash. Seriously squash is where it's at for you. You haven't liked fruit thus far just the orange veggies. You get so excited when we get you strapped in to the high chair, you kick your legs and just jabber away and smile. I knew you were ready for baby food, probably at 4 months, but we waited. I have a feeling you are going to plump up my darling.





I fall more and more in love with you each day and sometimes are just hit with this wave of disbelief and pure joy. I waited so long for you and sometimes I just think I am going to wake up from this dream and be back to trying.

Love you,
Mommy

One trait of mine I hope you didn't get

Dear Sarah,

When your Dad and I were day dreaming about who you would look like and what traits you would have, I found myself with a long list of ones I hope you didn't get.

Most were inconsequential for instance I hoped that where my butt is lacking in roundness and general "just want to grab it",I hoped, for your sake you got your fathers glorious hiney.

There were some with some seriousness about them, for one my depression. I prayed on this one, that you wouldn't have to live one day feeling like I feel on most.

The other, less dark and scary one is the ability to read too much in to things.

Today, for example, I got on twitter (its this really dumb, slightly genius, social networking websites that only gives you 140 characters to make a point- that's the genius part but also changed what # means for generations to come-the dumb part) and saw that a friend of mine had stopped following me.

It hurt, more than it should.

I automatically started to think, what did I do wrong, is she mad at me, did I say something to offend her? When the fact of the matter is  I hadn't been on twitter for a months and my account was spamming everyone.

Even with a more realistic answer like that I went in to damage control mode, made contact again and still got the sweaty palms and increased heart rate of a kid who just got caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

This is one trait of mine I hope you are not wired for.

Look on the side of reason before you get emotionally crippled by a situation.

Love you.,
Mom

Cluck, Cluck

Dear Sarah,
Halloween is in a few days and I would be lying if I told you it took me months to nail down a costume.

I am NOT lying when I tell you that I have had your Halloween costume for roughly 7 years.

So here is what happened...

I worked at Old Navy for few years right out of high school and the first year I started I was the one that unpacked the costumes for da babies.

There was one that stood out, on a scale of 1 to 10 on a cuteness scale it was an 11.

It was a chicken costume.

I watched as moms walked out of the store with their babies and chicken costumes, pulling my uterus heart strings at the thought of the chubby faced cherub as the chicken.

It took all the strength 18 year old me had to not buy one.

But that would be weird wouldn't it?

I watched as the costume supply dwindled, went on clearance and then became non-existent. I was a little relieved when the last chicken sold, the temptation was gone and I could get on with my life.

Then 365 days after first laying eyes on the chicken, there it was, staring me down with its cuteness.

This is where things get a little weird, what am I talking about they already are, let's just fall further down the rabbit hole.

I didn't just want to be THAT girl that started a baby keepsake box of baby whatnots because I was just dating your dad and not to mention I was only 18.

I got home that night and snuggled the build a bear your dad had made me and then it happened.

"This is about the size of a newborn baby" I said to myself and from there I actually justified that I needed that chicken costume for my bear because what bear doesn't need a chicken costume meant for a newborn baby?

Then things spiraled out of control further.

I went in to work and purchased a costume.

I know what you are thinking, its not a newborn size.

I know this, they didn't have it so I bought the smallest size they had which was 3-6 month and STILL told myself and others that it was for this bear...

Denial.

I will admit the level of excitement I felt when I realized that after years of saying "Maybe when I have baby they will be the right age to wear this for Halloween", and it actually happening was probably higher than it should have been.

A lot higher.

Anyway, that is how your first ever Halloween costume came to be.

aka, your mother is crazy.

Love,
Mom

4 months

Dear Honey Bun,
You are 4 months old, and I will get to the stats in a minute, but first I want to get all mommy and sappy for a second.

While holding you last night (right before you completely doused me in half digested formula), and you will cooing and twiddling your little hands I was hit with such a tidal wave of love (and spit up).

Sometimes, and I don't know why, I don't feel as deep of a connection with you as I would like, I feel like I am going through the motions. But then in a moment, like the one last night, I just look at you and it's there. I am yours and you are mine. It is still mind blowing to me that you were made within me and here you are, you are the late night wishes, the prayers and even the tears of the two years it took to get to this point.

would I do it all again? In a heart beat.

Ok, enough of sappy stuff, trust me I could go on for hours.

 You weigh in at 11lbs and 9oz.

I keep under estimating how much you weigh, I said just under 11lbs.

You have grown 2 inches in length and 2 cm in the noggin department.

We have purchased your next season and size up clothes, that was a fun day that you slept entirely through. I know that will change in about 12 years.

Your 3 month clothing is a little big but that's ok, the doc even said your "growing curve" is right on the money but you aren't on "normal" chart yet.

You are a sleeping champ, even taking naps now, HIGH FIVE! We are very thankful that you sleep at daycare and that has helped tremendously. Also, we are slowly transitioning you in to your crib full time, you got sick when we started so we ended up bringing you back in to our room. Hopefu

lly with in the next couple weeks you can be in your crib full time.

We are super excited that we got the go ahead to start you on cereal! This weekend you will find us looking at a highchair and stocking up on bibs, so many bibs.

The drooling, my love is out of control! We, your father, myself and even your doc think that before too long you will be cutting teeth. Stop growing so quickly!

Your favorite person this month is your Grammy, I am just chopped liver. No matter what is happening or where we are she can get you to smile...not that it hurts my feelings at all. She did muster the first REAL giggle out of you and my heart just about exploded from pure cuteness.

You still hate tummy time, despite all my efforts. We are kind of at a loss as to what to do to get you to not go nuclear when ever we lay you down.  I mean will you ever learn to crawl? You usually only roll over if you are screaming like a banshee (aka really upset).

You amaze me everyday with the new things you do. Love you.
Mommy

Mom Guilt

Dear Sarah,
You got me sick. Ok we will call it 50/50 because you were sick first and then I kissed all over your sweet rosy cheeks and gave you lip smackers to make you giggle through the crumminess. I voluntarily put myself in the line of fire and got shot... with snot.

Anyway, as I sit here surrounded by tissues, huffing Afrin like an addict I think of you and how this is the second time in your short life that you are sick.

You have been here since June 3rd and you came out jaundice which meant billi blanket time, then late August you had a viral bit of everything, but just a touch, nothing full blown. Now here we are late September and we are back to sucking out your nose using the torture device known as the ball syringe. Having to hold your head still as you scream and try so hard to turn your head away, kills me.

This leads me to the common feeling every mom feels...mom guilt.

Its a bitch (don't repeat that).

I feel a pang of guilt with every sniffle that I didn't do enough to initiate  breast feeding. We all know what they say, breast feeding is the END ALL BE ALL for your little life to be a happy, healthy one and never in my wildest dreams did I think that I wasn't going to be able to. I joked around with your equally ample chested Aunt Julie that I have been lugging these mammoths around since I was nine and would be PISSED (again don't repeat that) if they didn't work.

Well, it just didn't work out.

You were so tiny and needed to eat to maintain your weight and help fight the jaundice and my milk was taking its sweet time coming in. No matter how many times I tried to nurse you, no matter how many times I got up in the night to pump, no matter how much skin to skin time with you I had, none of it mattered.

I cried, a lot when I knew it wasn't going to happen. I already felt like a HORRIBLE mother.

I came to terms a while ago and, thankfully the guilt on the breast feeding matter has subsided for the most part.

But then today I was flipping through some blogs and one really made me feel the mom guilt.

They, the proverbial they, all say that you do everything with with your first and the "everything" dwindles with each child.

Well.... crap

Let's see you didn't get maternity pics, you didn't get new born shots, you didn't get a finished nursery, you didn't get birth announcements. You got iphone shots and bare walls, everything with you was rushed and done with the mind set "What is the quickest and easiest way". I hate this. You are the first born, and we should be savoring this time as a family of 3, not rushing through it looking for a short cut.

I mean I am trying to not be to hard on myself because who's fault was it that you were 5 weeks early?

But seriously, don't take it personally if your little brother or sister gets all this stuff.

We just knew to do it early.

Here is to my new motto "treat every moment as a chance to make a memory"

Love you more than "they" know,
Mom

When it happens

Dear Sarah,
When you are older we will have the "Talk" but for right now let me tell you this:

When you are, and how do I put this without being crass, surfing the crimson wave (note to self, watch Clueless with Sarah when she is old enough to love it) and on a hormonal war path, your taste buds are also raging a war of their own. A battle between your insatiable need to have something salty and sweet.

This will be one of your hardest lessons in self control and food combinations.

Love,
 your currently eating candy pumpkins and Doritos shame filled Mom

Not going to be the last time I talk about poop

Dear Sarah,
Last night your father wasn't having a good night but the cherry on top was when he stepped in poop.

Your poop.

I know! Complete shocker right?!

We still have no idea how he accomplished such a task, we have determined through theory alone that while changing you before bed the turd fell out of the diaper, his explanation.

My explanation involves your Dad flinging the diaper around in some type of celebratory manner. This was quickly shot down.

Still mind boggling, but you decided which to believe.

It was sticky, and not easily wiped off.

I made him wash his foot before getting in to bed, I am not ashamed of this. I change your diaper and know that stench can not be quelled by wipe alone.

You laughed at me laughing at him.

Happy to make you giggle.

Love,
Mom

Dear Sarah

Ok so I have this problem, I always talk about you, or want to always talk about you.

Obsessive I know, but that is just what happens when you have a kid.

In my head I just said "that's as cute as you" but I refrained.... Be cool mom, be cool.

Be cool? Yeah right, I have carved a place out specifically for the subject of you on the world wide web...

Anyway, I thought it would be nice if I wrote you letters, just little tid bits here and there to tell you what what life was like in your early days, when I wiped your butt.

I know you may stumble upon this little blog someday in horror that I would share such intimate details of your life. That's why I am starting now, you are too young to protest. HIGH MOM FIVE!

I hope someday you can look back at these letters, maybe when you have your own little one, and see the humor and unrelenting love I have for you.

Someday.

Love,
Mom